Tuesday, October 18, 2005

The Full-Length Mirror Syndrome

Okay, I've tried to be polite. I've tried to ignore what is happening in society, but every time I step out into public it was glaring at me, taunting me to shout out an opinion.......or run off screaming in terror.

It's the Full-Length Mirror Syndrome.

C'mon. Admit it. You've seen someone who has it. At some point and time all of us had the unfortunate occurance to view someone in public and blanch, thinking "she must not have a full-length at home or certainly she would not have left the house looking that way."

Now, I'm not a small girl myself, so I'm not only talking about heavy people, but let's pick on them first. Being a bit past buxom myself, I feel I can speak personally and correctly on the subject of how larger people should present themselves in public.

Rule #1 - Just because you can fit in it, does not mean you should wear it. One size does not fit all. C'mon now! You know it's true. Spandex just wasn't meant for everyone. In fact, spandex hardly looks good on anyone. Unless you are emaciated AND dehydrated, do not wear spandex for a fashion statement anywhere but the gym. And at the gym, cover it up with a long T-shirt.

Rule #2 - A belly shirt does not imply that your belly should be hanging out of it. No one wants to see a roll of jiggly fat. If you've got a six-pack, then by all means show it off - you've earned it. If you've consumed one too many six-packs, keep the results to yourself.

General Rule for all to follow:

Rule #1 - If you are thin enough to wear T-backs poking out of a pair of hip-hugging jeans, make sure they ARE T-backs. Full size granny panties hung over a slab of denim is not fashionable, attractive or the least bit cool. (I swear, I've seen it people!)

Rule #2 - Only one in a hundred thousand people look good in a bikini past the age of 18. Get a second opinion before you go into public wearing one. On an aside - men never look good or very masculine in a bikini. I think maybe it's the top........

Rule #3 - Back hair on women is not fashionable anywhere in the world that I'm aware of. So if you're unfortunate to have it and too foolish to remove it, please cover it up.

So the next time you go out the front door, ask yourself "is everyone looking at me because I'm a hot broad, or have I commited a full-length mirror felony?"

The answer may surprise you.


Elly said...

My husband's phrase is: 'It's so sad when someone's mirror lies to them.'

What I can't believe is not only that they wear it, but that some of them think it looks good!

Colleen Gleason said...

You've been tagged, Jana!


A - Age you got your first real kiss:

B - Band listening to right now:

C - Crush:

D - Dad's name:

E - Easiest person to talk to:

F - Favorite bands at the moment:

H - Hometown:

J- Kindergarten:

K - Kids:

L - Longest car ride ever:

M - Mom's name:

N - Nicknames:

O - One wish:

P - Phobia[s]:

Q - Quote:

R - Reason(s) to smile:

S - Song you sang last:

T - Time you woke up [today]:

U - Unknown fact about me:

V - Vegetable you hate:

X - X-rays you've had:

Z - Zodiac sign:

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